Surely he could believe that was possible. I had stopped taking hormone replacement therapy after the health scares. Perhaps I could blame it on that.I told Ginny about my confrontation with Howard. She scolded me for being so careless. She knew of my desire to take a lover. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I haven't had the experience of other men before Howard and I met. I know the difference. I know how much better Howard is than other men. What is driving me to the edge of this cliff?Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need psychiatric help. Maybe it does have to do with menopause. Too many questions. Too much confusion. I won't solve these questions. Back then, she would have given me the time of day just to be polite, but it was quite clear she expected me to stay in my world and leave her alone in hers.Then she had broken up with her boyfriend. Abruptly aware of me as a male, she seemed to toy with the idea of becoming more than acquaintances. We began having fairly personal conversations, and she even started flirting with me. I, of course, was thrilled with this change in her attitude, but it was short lived. She ended up mending the fences with her boyfriend, and I was seriously resentful when I was relegated back to "Coworker, embarrassing, avoid if possible" status.Still, there was little I could do. We each lived our own lives, and I knew from the beginning that my chances with this goddess were slim to none. After a few weeks of nursing my injured pride, life was back to business as usual, and while I still harbored fantasies of her changing her attitude and realizing I was the best thing for her, our relationship.
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